To love one who is oblivious...
Why is it so hard to get others to see love when it's right in front of them?
I care deeply about a particular enigmatic female friend (actually two now). This one hasn't called in a few weeks and when I finally reached her she told me she had been a car accident but was okay, and that she had wanted to call. That's four-plus emotions cramming my veins all at once: Holy Shit! Oh My God! Oh phew, what a relief there is an explanation for not hearing from you. Oh Thank God you're okay. Wait, why didn't you call me? I asked her what happened but she asked not to talk about it. Her voice sounded a bit stuffed and she mentioned it was a nose-bleed. Her sister had answered the phone. She asked how I was, and while processing those tangled emotions I mentioned that my parents were here till the end of the week. Then she asked if she could call me later, and that she'd be back in Berkeley to finish her lease in a week or so, and that we would do lunch. Er, yeah sure. What does one say? No dammit, talk to me now after you've not called for almost a month, even when you were in an accident and surely called your other friends.
The other EFF I've known a lot longer. She and I are close. It's almost felt like dating at times. But talking to her or making any sort of move about it is met with nothing. Complete lack of response. It has taken years for me to get her to at least tell me anything personal about her. Turns out she has family and trust issues. I've mostly abandoned any chance of a good relationship with her except when I withdraw she gets upset. She always gives me gifts. She loves my company. She's complained about the lack of communication in her relationships and yet we have that.
Fortunately, last night I met a possible Relationship Material Female (okay, enough with the acronyms). Match.com is normally a cursed place for me. Seriously. I am even doomed to belong to it for an eon! I was an early adopter in 1995 back when it was free. Years later, it's $25 a month. However by chance I tried logging in about a year ago and found that I was still a member. The expiration date: 2999. Whoa! God help me if it takes me that long to find a mate. Anyway, that's been a curse because of reasons too long for this blog but suffice it to say, it's a challenge even to get a woman to email back, let alone have coffee or actually want to date. However, this time when I updated my profile, I tried their little Messenger thingy that lists matches who are online. I started chatting to one of the first ones (who had a lovely photo and a great description), and all's going very well so far.
Conclusion? I think knowing someone requires movement. Change over time. But of course to share change requires trust, openness. You can't know what never changes (at least where people are concerned). That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
Why is it so hard to get others to see love when it's right in front of them?
I care deeply about a particular enigmatic female friend (actually two now). This one hasn't called in a few weeks and when I finally reached her she told me she had been a car accident but was okay, and that she had wanted to call. That's four-plus emotions cramming my veins all at once: Holy Shit! Oh My God! Oh phew, what a relief there is an explanation for not hearing from you. Oh Thank God you're okay. Wait, why didn't you call me? I asked her what happened but she asked not to talk about it. Her voice sounded a bit stuffed and she mentioned it was a nose-bleed. Her sister had answered the phone. She asked how I was, and while processing those tangled emotions I mentioned that my parents were here till the end of the week. Then she asked if she could call me later, and that she'd be back in Berkeley to finish her lease in a week or so, and that we would do lunch. Er, yeah sure. What does one say? No dammit, talk to me now after you've not called for almost a month, even when you were in an accident and surely called your other friends.
The other EFF I've known a lot longer. She and I are close. It's almost felt like dating at times. But talking to her or making any sort of move about it is met with nothing. Complete lack of response. It has taken years for me to get her to at least tell me anything personal about her. Turns out she has family and trust issues. I've mostly abandoned any chance of a good relationship with her except when I withdraw she gets upset. She always gives me gifts. She loves my company. She's complained about the lack of communication in her relationships and yet we have that.
Fortunately, last night I met a possible Relationship Material Female (okay, enough with the acronyms). Match.com is normally a cursed place for me. Seriously. I am even doomed to belong to it for an eon! I was an early adopter in 1995 back when it was free. Years later, it's $25 a month. However by chance I tried logging in about a year ago and found that I was still a member. The expiration date: 2999. Whoa! God help me if it takes me that long to find a mate. Anyway, that's been a curse because of reasons too long for this blog but suffice it to say, it's a challenge even to get a woman to email back, let alone have coffee or actually want to date. However, this time when I updated my profile, I tried their little Messenger thingy that lists matches who are online. I started chatting to one of the first ones (who had a lovely photo and a great description), and all's going very well so far.
Conclusion? I think knowing someone requires movement. Change over time. But of course to share change requires trust, openness. You can't know what never changes (at least where people are concerned). That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
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